Hey its Me!

sbontorin

Hello friends, my name is Sienna-Domenica Bontorin. But you can call me Sienna. I am not a writer (or a professional of any kind for that matter). But I am a girl on a journey and I would love to be able share that with you!

I am currently studying my third year of psychology at the University of British Columbia Okanagan. I am also an avid Jesus follower, animal lover, a #cpwarrior (check out the exceptionality tab) and an all around goofball ( I am also a huge fan of the colour green, so if you ever feel like making my day just show me something green). 

 One of my favourite things in the world is being able to connect with people. The more I learn, the more I realize that every single one of us is so complex and while I don’t expect everyone to like me, I do think we can all learn something from each other. That is why I decided to start this blog. My hope is that eventually some of my thoughts can give someone a little bit of encouragement or perhaps just something to ponder. So stay tuned and feel free to let me know what you think (or correct my grammar).

You are all beautiful!!!

Sincerely,

S

The Thief of Comparison

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So, I was feeling extremely frustrated by my schoolwork the other day (classic Sienna, what else is new, am I right XD) when something one of my chiropractors said to me started to stand out. Then I realized, people say almost the same thing to me all the time, I’ve just never had the courage to believe them.

Medical professionals and people I know are constantly telling me, “Sienna, it’s really awesome that you’re able to do all the stuff you do despite the things you put up with” or “you’re really lucky, because most people like you don’t do the things that you’re doing.” I disagree with the insane level of categorization that is placed on people with any kind of disability, but that is a conversation for a whole other brain wave.

I realized that legitimately every time someone has said that to me, I immediately shrug it off. In my head I’m thinking that’s not true, the person beside me is doing a wayyy better job of the same thing I’m doing and they’re doing it in half the time with no form of accommodation or, trussstttt me, if you could see how many silly things I have done just to make this happen, you wouldn’t be telling me that I’m doing a good job. Half the time I feel like I’m just trying way too hard to keep up and like, if anything, that should be something I’m ashamed of.

Then I realized (get ready, here comes epiphany number two), that every time one of those thoughts crosses my mind, I am letting comparison steal my joy. Yes, it is 100% true that there are people on either side of me doing the exact same things as me, and doing them even better. That is something that will probably never change. But the beautiful thing is that I don’t have to worry about that. None of us should feel like we have to worry about that. The people who are on either side of me have no idea what I had to do, just to be sitting in the exact same seat as them. Maybe something that is extremely hard for me just comes naturally to them. But doesn’t getting there when you had to climb 100 other mountains first just make whatever you’re doing that much more amazing??? I might have to finally hand this one over to all the doctors who have said it.

We all have things we have to work past in order to accomplish the things we strive towards. For some of us, that means making a conscious and ongoing choice that our goal is worth whatever we have to overcome in the process. Even just making the decision to keep moving is so honorable. It doesn’t mean that there won’t be days where you take twice as many steps backwards as you do forwards. But, as you overcome these things, don’t look at the person beside you and wonder why you are not keeping in line with their steps. They may be sitting right beside you, but let’s be real, they are nowhere near running the same race.

You should be so proud of every little thing you do in order to help yourself be successful. You may be taking the long way around; but everything you do is a step in choosing to get to where you want to be and that in itself is amazing.

No matter what it is that you are facing, I challenge you with this:

The next time someone tells you that you’re doing a great job, try to believe them.
You are absolutely incredible just for having the courage to walk in your own shoes and fight your own battles every single day!!!

You are all so loved!!!

Sincerely Always,
 S

Learning to Embrace Ourselves, Disability and all

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Original version can be found on another site I write for: https://themighty.com/2018/08/embrace-ourselves-disability/?utm_source=engagement_bar&utm_campaign=post_feed.story_card_full.mobile_fixed_engagement_bar&utm_medium=facebook&fbclid=IwAR3N22oGRGraVx98qfBXosKgZKEtzEfHyzi-HXDSISeMW4v_pNnmvJrswWA

As someone with mild cerebral palsy I have gone through a lot of stuff leading up to this point in my life. I have what is considered a “mild case” of a disability that has come to shape a large portion of my life. My journey with this condition has been a trek consisting of many hills and even more mountains I have had to overcome. It is only now at 20 years of age that I am starting to connect all of the dots.

My CP has always been there. There were times when nobody recognized it as something deserving of extra help, times I neglected to acknowledge that it existed, and even more times when I got a little too much attention because of something I could not control. From a young age I developed this super secret ability called “acting normal” or trying to fit in. As a young child I could often be found hiding behind my mother’s legs or refusing to engage in adult conversations for fear of the questions people might ask me. It didn’t take me very long to figure out that the things I went through weren’t understood by everybody else, and I wanted nothing more desperately than to be considered “normal.”

For a little while this task seemed pretty straightforward: keep up with all the other things kids are “supposed” to do and blend in with everyone else. When you get older, things get a little more complicated. That’s when you get to workplaces, social situations and responsibilities where the world really does expect you to step up to the plate and reach your quota of “normal” societal contributions. For me, this took place through school and work. I’ve always felt like if I reached my career goals and showed everyone I could get where I wanted, everything would fall into place. But when I look back, I really wish I had someone to show me it was OK to be different. Someone to explain that being a good person has nothing to do with fitting into the mold.

I’m tired of others acting like my CP burdens my entire life and the lives of the people around me. I believe God made every single person for a reason and specific purpose, and the purpose of those of us who were made a little bit different was not to hide ourselves from everyone else. I don’t want to be the reason a little girl grew up without seeing a single person who walked a little bit different and talked a little bit different being happy. We need to show the next generations how wonderful we are exactly the way we’re made. The world needs to know we are as wonderful and beautiful as everyone else, and we are the only ones who can do it.

You were never made to run away from your problems. You were made to embrace them. Run headlong into the spotlight and show everyone what a real disability warrior looks like. Prove to all the little girls and boys it’s OK for them to embrace who they are. You are beautiful — go out there and show them!

The Big Answer

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Sometimes when people ask me the dreaded question, “so what is it like to have cerebral palsy?” I want to tell them all the bad things. I want to tell them about all the mornings I’ve woken up unable to feel my arm or leg and still got up to walk through the door. All the times I’ve had to leave class early because of being in excruciating pain out of no where. I want to tell them about the countless nights I’ve stayed up wayyy too late studying because I legitimately could not force myself to process a single page. And I would especially love to point out how many times I have to answer “OMYGOSH WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEG!?” in any given day.

But that’s not all that cerebral palsy is. Cerebral palsy is a condition I live with that determines a large portion of how I go about my day. I’m so used to it by now, that there are very few things I have to think twice about. But there is always room for improvement. I’m always looking for new challenges, new ways to remember and learn information, and new ways to keep my body in shape.

Having cerebral palsy has forced me to become an incredibly resilient and adaptable individual. It has also forced me to be humble, sometimes even humble enough to ask for help (yikes). It has taught me that nearly anything is possible. But that every person’s journey from A to B looks a little bit different and, that’s okay.

Finally, cerebral palsy has taught me how infinitely big God is. We serve an incredible creator who has a purpose and a plan for everything, even my disease. There are so many people I have had the opportunity of connecting with that I never would have met if it weren’t for my condition. There are even more doors that have opened just because I’m a person who manages to be successful at managing my own dysfunctional life. Sometimes (and this is my very favourite part!) I even get the privilege of helping other people who are like me understand how much God values them and that living with a disability does not have to stop them from reaching their dreams.

 If I get to do that for even one person, I would choose to take the little bits of pain and frustration every single day.

Why?

Because Jesus would do the same thing for me.

Cerebral palsy is my disability. But it is also my super power that God has given me so his strength can shine through my weakness every single day. It allows people to look at my life and see that yes, I am uncappable. But that God is so incredibly good at caring for and equipping his children.

God, thank you for making me a person who has the privilege of showing others what it looks like to trust in you, even when the body I was given chooses to fail.

For those of you who are living with something that forces you to take extra steps to be successful, I would challenge you to look at the positive things those experiences have brought into your life.

Sincerely always,

S